The Times and Lives of the Black Order
by Hajimari
Summary: The messed-up days of the Black Order, let's explore the randomness and the various mess and troubles they are able to create! DISCONTINUED
1. Troubles of Valentine's Chocolates

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man.

A/N: This is kind of random. But I hope you'll enjoy this nonetheless!

Summary: Let's explore the randomness of the Black Order and the various mess and troubles they are able to create!

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_**Troubles of Valentine's Chocolates**_

It was a normal day at the Black Order.

"Allen!" Reever called, holding a pink box tied with a blue ribbon.

"Yes? What's the matter?" Allen went running to the man, wondering what he wanted him for.

"This is for you." Reever explained, handing the box over to Allen.

"What is it?" Allen asked confusedly. By what he knew, nobody would be sending a parcel to Allen because all his friends were by his side. And he never even wants one from his master, Cross Marian.

"What's this?" A new voice called from behind and Allen felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw Lavi and his good-nature smile. Trailing behind him was Kanda Yu.

"Hey, Lavi, Kanda." Allen tried to be polite enough to address the blue-haired exorcist, only to receive a 'humph' in return.

"What do you have there?" Lavi asked, examining the box in all angles.

"I don't know." The white-haired boy answered. "It seems like a parcel."

"Of course it's a parcel." Kanda spoke this time, directing a you-are-so-stupid glare at Allen. "Even an idiot could tell."

Immediately, Allen and Kanda glared daggers at each other, grinding their teeth to show their toughness.

"Allen-kun, Lavi, Kanda." A feminine voice called from behind the trio. They looked back to see Lenalee, a ready smile on her face.

"Hey, Lenalee," Allen greeted and the other two did as well.

"What's inside?" Lenalee asked, pointing to the still-yet-to-be-opened box in Allen's hands. After Allen shrugged, she urged, "Open up, quick!" She sounded like a 5-year-old receiving a present.

When it was opened, there was a pink letter sealed with red wax that was pressed with a heart-shaped stamp.

"Read it." Allen said when he saw Lavi voluntarily reach for it.

"It says here," Lavi began. "'Ah, my darling Allen Walker, happy Valentine's Day! Be sure to eat these chocolates. I made them with all my love! Yours truly, Road Kamelot.' Hey, they're from Road."

"Road?!" Allen, Lenalee and Kanda shouted in surprise simultaneously.

"Apparently, yes." Lavi confirmed after looking at the letter again.

"Oh yeah, it's Valentine's Day today." Allen said in realization. Lavi and Kanda muttered softly at the same time, "Baka Allen."

"But Allen, are you sure these are safe?" Lenalee asked, picking up a Road-faced chocolate from the box, looking at them warily.

"Why, Lenalee?" Lavi teased. "You're jealous that Road had a step before you in sending her love for Allen?"

"Of…of course not!" Lenalee said, smiling weirdly at Lavi.

"I had completely forgotten that it's Valentine's Day today." Allen mused. Looking at Lavi, he said with a proud smile, "Since _you_ had forgotten about it, means that you hadn't receive any chocolates yet, eh, Lavi?"

Immediately, Lavi pointed to the huge pile on the table of the canteen. Allen's mouth dropped. "They're from all my fans, Allen." Lavi said, getting his turn to be proud for once, "It is okay, Allen, to only receive one box from Road. You'll get more when you master my charm."

"Then Kanda…" Allen turned to look at him but he was already standing at another table piled with chocolate, although not as much as Lavi's, but it was still a lot.

"Any comments, moyashi?" Kanda secretly laughed inside, picking up a card with the name 'Kanda Yu' written largely on the front.

"Here, Allen-kun," Lenalee handed the white-haired exorcist a small box of chocolates. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Eh?!" Lavi exclaimed. "How about mine?!"

"You've got enough already, Lavi." Lenalee commented, leaving Lavi in silent tears for not being able to charm _this_ girl.

"Don't feel too bad about Road's chocolate, Allen." Lavi comforted after returning from his shock. "They may be delicious."

"No thanks," Allen said groggily, "I'm kind of afraid of them, the chocolates Road made, that is."

"Well, then I'll take it if you don't mind." Lavi said.

"Lavi!" Lenalee protested. "They may contain some poison or something! They're dangerous!"

"Why do you think so?"

"Because they're from _Road_," Lenalee emphasized the name.

"But Road likes Allen a lot." Lavi said, already popping a Road-chocolate into his mouth much to the annoyance of Lenalee. "She wouldn't want to poison him. Want one, Kanda?" He shoved the box at the blue-haired exorcist, who nodded to Lavi's reasoning and ate a chocolate.

"Fine, don't expect me at your funeral when you die!" Lenalee ran away, leaving the three stunned exorcists.

"Is she having her monthly or something?" Lavi asked, pointing at her direction.

"Must be," Allen nodded.

"She doesn't usually act like that." Kanda's nod followed after Allen's.

Suddenly, a sharp familiar voice shouted affectionately. "ALLEN!"

"Eh?" Lavi said. "Did you just hear Road's voice?"

"You must be imagining things." Kanda said, although he did indeed felt that tingling sensation of meeting a Noah.

"ALLEN!" A quick flash pass by their eyes and they stood there, stunned. It was only when Allen shouted in surprise, "Road!" that Kanda and Lavi returned to reality and saw the blue-haired Noah.

"Road, why are you here?" Allen asked quickly, his innocence arm placed in front of him in a protection posture. "How did you know of the Black Order's location in the first place?"

"Hee," Road giggled, "Let's ignore those, shall we? Don't worry, Allen. I won't attack this place yet. Anyway, have you eaten my chocolates?"

"Er…well, not _yet_," Allen tried phrasing it well to avoid angering Road.

"I see. Well, eat them quick!" Road said eagerly, holding a chocolate at Allen's mouth. "I made them with all my love, darling."

"Da…Darling?!" Lenalee said. Well, umm…she just appeared.

"Road, I can take one myself." Refusing Road's feeding gently.

Suddenly…

"ROAD!" Allen, Lenalee and Road turned to see Lavi and Kanda calling the Noah. The two teenage exorcists rushed towards Road and stood in front of her.

"What the…?" Road started to say but Lavi interrupted by saying, "Road, your eyes are as lovely as the midsummer night sky. I love you!"

"What…?!" Allen and Lenalee screamed in shock.

"Road, even though you are a Noah, I still love you a lot!" Kanda said, his eyes twinkling. "I think you are really beautiful! Can…can you be my girlfriend?"

"What…what is going on?" Road said softly and backed away from the two lovesick guys. "Al…Allen-kun, did they eat the chocolates I made?"

"Yeah, they did." Allen nodded, thinking back about how he offered the chocolates to Lavi.

"How…?!" Road slapped Allen repeatedly and screamed while tears streamed from her eyes. "HOW COULD YOU HAVE GIVEN THEM MY LOVE CHOCOLATES?! I MADE THEM ESPECIALLY FOR YOU! I MADE MORE FOR YOU THAN I DID FOR TYKI!"

"Ro…Road, Allen is…" Lenalee urged the Noah to stop slapping the white-haired exorcist.

"Ah! Allen, are you okay?!" Road shook him hard but the twirls in his eyes remained.

"Road, who have to choose between me, Allen and Kanda!" Lavi said in a serious tone.

"Who will it be, Road?" Kanda said with the same tone.

"Wait! Wait!" Road said anxiously and flung her arms in exasperation! Anxiously, Road knocked them out with a strong punch on their faces.

"Lavi, Kanda!" Lenalee called anxiously for her friends.

"They just fainted. No biggie."

"What did you do, Road?" Lenalee asked. Ah, the only sane person here.

"I put some love potion in those chocolates I gave to Allen." Road confessed guiltily.

"You…what?!"

"I'm sorry."

"So how do we solve Lavi and Kanda's lovesickness?" Lenalee asked professionally.

"Well, all you have to do is to kiss them."

"Then do it, Road."

"What?!" Road said in horror. "You want me to kiss them?!"

"You caused the problem." Lenalee said matter-of-factly.

"But I gave the chocolates to _Allen_! I wanted to kiss _him_!" Road protested and brawled on the floor like a child.

"Did I hear a potion?" A new voice said.

Yay, Komui comes in!

"Onii-chan!" Lenalee said and go over to him. She twiddled her fingers and said shyly, "Onii-chan, can you do me a favor?"

"Of…of course, Lenalee!" Komui said quickly, twinkles in his eyes with flowers and bunnies decorating the background. "An…anything for you, dear Lenalee!"

"Can you kiss Lavi and Kanda? It's for rescue." Lenalee said with an innocent smile.

The wind blew by. Komui just stoned there. Wait, they were inside the building. Where the hell did the wind come from?!

"Lenalee, I'm sorry to say I'm not gay." Komui said slowly, hoping not hurt dear Lenalee's feelings.

"That means you won't do it?" Lenalee said, looking up at Komui with puppy eyes, tears threatening to fall. "You won't do that for me? You won't save them?"

"Of…of course I would if I could!" Komui said quickly. "But, how is that saving them?"

Road comes in to explain her mistake.

"I see." Komui said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"So will you do it?" Road asked impatiently, folding her arms. "_I_ don't want to kiss them."

"Onii-chan…" Komui looked down at his sister and felt his heart melting.

"I…I'll do it!" Komui said in a manly attitude. Road and Lenalee clapped in the background. "However," silence, "Road must give me the potion's formula!"

"Glad to!" Road quickly nodded her head.

"No, you can't do that, onii-chan!" Lenalee protested as quickly. She knew what would happen to the _Black Order_ (and herself as well) if he got the formula.

"Then I won't help them." Komui said childishly.

"…fine." The dark-boots user sighed in defeat.

As Komui got ready to kiss Kanda and Lavi, he gulped. It was his first experience kissing _guys_. In addition, the people around were looking and…

"I have to say I'm NOT gay!" Komui shouted loud enough for everyone to hear. "I'm just helping them!"

_And many moments later after Komui finally stopped his procrastination and kissed Kanda and Lavi…_

"I'M NOT GAY!" Komui shouted again to passing snickering exorcists, finders and scientists.

"Eh…what happened?" Lavi said groggily as if he just woke up. Well, he kind of did.

"I don't know." Kanda said. "I can't really remember anything except eating the chocolate."

"Well, you won't need to know." Road said hurriedly.

"Eh? When did you come, Road?" Lavi asked.

"I…er…just appeared. Well then, bye!" She gave the still-unconscious-from-all-the-slapping Allen a final kiss and quickly entered her door that just appeared from the ground.

"Now I got the formula…" Komui said evilly and then laughed out loud.

"What's up with _him_?" Kanda asked cautiously.

"Nothing." Lenalee quickly said.

_The next day..._

Thousands of flyers was pasted on the boards everywhere and even places there were out of bounds for advertisements and such:

**DO NOT ACCEPT ANY CHOCOLATES OFFERED BY KOMUI LEE. PLEASE KEEP CHOCOLATES IN A SAFEGUARDED PLACE.**

Hopefully, another incident like this won't appear in future. But with Komui, anything goes.

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A/N: Yes, imperfect English, language, whatever. I was kind of rushing this but I hope I got the storyline across.

Hope you enjoyed that! Please review!


	2. Lavi is GAY!

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray Man.

A/N: Nothing to say. Really.

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_**Lavi is…GAY?**_

After the Valentine incident, there wasn't any traces of chocolate, much to the irritation of Komui, who immediately suspected Reever as the mastermind behind this. But as usual, the science department just ignores him.

"Sigh, no chocolates for a week." Lavi complained.

"Chocolates are no big deal anyway." Kanda rolled his eyes. "They're just sweet and gives sugar rush. That's their only purpose."

"Ah, Yu, you'll never understand the wonders of sweetness." Lavi shook his head, feigning pity for the sword player exorcist.

"I told you not to call me by that name."

"Hai, Yu." Lavi chuckled and earned a death glare from Kanda.

Then there was silence as the two walked to the canteen.

"Ne, Kanda," Lavi broke the wordlessness between them.

"Hmm?"

"I shall be gay today!" the red-haired exorcist declared in a triumphant tone.

Kanda stared at him in disbelief, stoning at him for a moment. "You already are." He said later.

"Then…" Lavi said in slow thoughtfulness, "I shall be extra gay today! Ne, Yu-chan?" He reached for Kanda's hair but missed as the blue-haired exorcist dodged.

"Watch yourself, Lavi." Kanda said in his most dangerous voice.

"You're no fun at all, Yu-chan." Lavi pouted.

"AND STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

At a distance, Johnny who was passing by from his trip to the canteen, widened his eyes so much that they seemed to pop out from his big glasses. "This…this is shocking!" He muttered to himself with revelation. "Lavi is gay, and to think he always have an interest in ladies…"

"Hey, Johnny, what's taking you so long?" Reever appeared after noticing Johnny being gone for a long time.

"Reever, you wouldn't believe what I heard!" Johnny exclaimed.

"Wh…What?" Reever stammered fearfully. "Komui built another Komurin IV?"

"Of course not! He is too busy sniffing out chocolates to test his new potion!" Johnny waved away the suggestion. "I just heard that Lavi is gay! Can you believe it?!"

"Are you sure you're not deaf, Johnny?" Reever raised an eyebrow at the short scientist. Sort of.

"I heard it very clearly!"

"But how can Lavi be…?"

"What's wrong with Lavi?" A feminine voice ask and the both of them immediately turned to the new voice, who they later realized that it belonged to Lenalee, and standing next to her was Allen.

"Well…?" Lenalee prompted.

"Umm…it isn't the most pleasant of news." Reever tried the art of procrastinating.

"Don't tell me Komui-san found chocolates?!" Allen cried out.

"No…nothing like that." Johnny calmed down the anxious Allen, who seemed more frightened of Komui than Akumas.

"Then?"

"Well, you see…" Johnny asked them to come closer and whispered to them in low voices. Reever listened closely as well.

"Lavi is…WHAT?!" Lenalee cried out in disbelief.

"That's…hard to believe." Allen replied rather nonchalantly.

"I simply refuse to believe," The Chinese exorcist said firmly, "Until I see it with my own eyes. Where is he?"

"I believe he went to the canteen with Kanda not too long ago." Johnny spoke up.

Immediately, Lenalee stormed to the canteen, with Allen anxiously calling her name from behind and chase up to her. Worrying, Reever and Johnny followed.

"What's your plan?" Allen asked Lenalee worriedly.

"Let's pretend to have lunch with them and listen to their conversation." Lenalee said and she quickly scurried over to the counter, asking Jerry for soba noodles for lunch.

"Why is Lenalee so concerned over Lavi's matter of gayness?" Reever questioned.

"She is afraid of losing her potential boyfriend." Allen answered, sweat-dropping.

"Huh?" Johnny tilted his head in confusion but he never got to find out more because Allen and Reever were already ordering food.

"Hey, Lavi, Kanda." Lenalee greeted with friendliness along with the greetings of Allen and the two Black Order scientist, who shuddered at the girl's bit of likeness of Komui who was a face-changer at times.

"Hey guys." Lavi greeted them cheerfully. Too cheerfully that it wasn't usual but the new arrivals didn't thought much of it. Kanda regarded them with a small nod.

"So, Yu-chan," Lavi asked in his charming voice, "What are you doing later?"

"Training." Kanda answer stoically.

"How about coming over to my room to watch a movie?" Lavi asked, all smiles much to the horror of Lenalee and the others.

"Mo…movie?" Lenalee said uncertainly. "Don't you have to write history records, Lavi?"

"Those can wait. They're boring anyway, after looking at them for ten hours straight last night." Lavi snorted. "A movie will help me relax. I should say I deserve it. So will you come over to my room, Yu-chan?"

"No." Kanda said, slurping on his usual soba. "And don't call me that."

"Come on, Yu-chan." Lavi nudged his partner. "Relax once in a while, it'll do you good."

"I said no." Kanda replied, weirdly calm at the red-haired Bookman's persistence.

"What's going on between them?" Allen asked in a low voice that only Lenalee can hear.

"That…that doesn't mean anything!" The black-haired girl quickly protested.

Suddenly the plates which Allen had piled up – because he asked for a lot of food as usual – suddenly became unstable, threatening to fall.

"Watch out, Yu!" Lavi wanted to reach out for him but the plates stopped shaking a while later.

"False alarm." Kanda pushed Lavi's arms away.

"Well, it could have fallen on you." The red-haired exorcist protested. "Then I have no one to share my gayness with."

"There's moyashi."

"He is not like you." Lavi replied.

Allen, Reever and Johnny saw what this was leading to and stole a glance at Lenalee, who they fear will burst any moment now. But their deduction were way too late.

"La…Lavi," Lenalee said in a soft and dangerous voice.

"Yes?" He asked, stilling smiling and an arm placed around Kanda's shoulders and a buddy-ly manner.

"YOU BAKA!" Lenalee punched Lavi hard in the face.

"There it is." Allen muttered in slight wonderment. "Lenalee's punch of love."

Lenalee stormed off, shouting, "I'm not talking to you anymore!"

"Wait…wait up, Lenalee!" Lavi chased up to her.

"What's up Lenalee's recent behavior?" Allen questioned. "She's being more aggressive these days."

"The worst being today." Reever noted and Johnny readily agreed.

"Tsk," Kanda muttered under his breath as he slurped his soba, taking no interest in the matter. "Who knew Lavi being extra happy will cause so much trouble?"

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A/N: It isn't funny because I wrote this at…it's eleven at night now and I'm sleepy! And me no fun when I'm sleepy. I still wanted to update anyway. So there you go with the chapter.

Review anyway, please?


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